As a mother...

I have made mistakes. 

Now that I completed the saga of vampires, I have had some time to pick up a few old parenting  books.  Parenting books are written either about positive things people have tried and negative things people have tried.  But there is always something out there that is going to make you feel like crap about what you have or haven't done.  Or the other way around, make you feel like you may have done actually one thing right.  So, I never know what I am going to get when I pick up a parenting book. 

I picked up good old Dr. Brazleton's Touchpoints.  I was just flipping through and got to a part about spacing children and planning a family. hahaha. I laugh because he says to keep in mind your own engergies and tolerances (both of which I did not have much).  Looking back, my little charlie was forced to become independent and grow up really fast.  I turned my back on him and felt angry toward him because I didn't have the energy to nurture Mary Kate.  I was not able to enjoy this rich period of learning and exploring for charlie, instead when he tested me, I got angry and frustrated.  Which then became part of his personality. 

I have spent the past year trying to undo and model tolerance for my little man.  Recently, N and I have agreed to keep him on a strict diet of no preservative, artificial colors or flavors.  I don't know if it is postive cooperative energy from N and I, the affects of healthy food and limited snacks and treats, or an overall focus on Charlie's well being... but he has turned a corner.  He has less outbursts of frustration, he sleeps through the night and is overall more calm.  He is a cool and smart little guy that I love more than anything!

As far as having my children close together, it is what it is.  At this point, they have become playmates and enemies at times, but I have more energy and tolerance to deal with them both.  I only hope that no permanent damage was done.